Retaliation
by Shedauwz
Summary: Shedauwz took it upon himself to get back at his fellow writers for the crack-fics they've been putting up... This is war.


**I did say this was war. I'm warning you right now, there's some really creepy shit in here so if you want to stop your eyes from bleeding don't even think about reading this.  
****  
I remember Roxas asked me whether I could write some disturbing yet funny stuff... I think I did a good job. xD  
**

* * *

In a new world that one simple mind created, everything was silent. It was a dark night, no wind, no moonlight, no sounds whatsoever, only mist covered the forest in which a single humble shack resided. It was like a calm before the storm, which it definitely was.

We move inside the shack where three almost identical people resided in, all three of them having pink hair and black eyes, all three of them with confused faces as to why they were present here and looking for who had summoned them.

"Hey, uhh..." One of them spoke; he was wearing black jeans, high-top black sneakers, a white tee and a black leather jacket, a guitar case strapped to his back, "Why are we here? And who the hell are you two?" He asked his two counterparts.

"I can ask you the same thing." Another replied, "And it seems my clothes are left in the state they were before I got here." He sighed. All this man was wearing were burned pants, his whole upper body exposed.

"What the hell is going on?! And why the hell are you two copying me?!" A third one shouted, he was wearing grey sweatpants, white sneakers and a white hoodie, a scar on the lower part of his jaw.

"Copying?" The almost naked pinkette laughed, "I was born this way, idiot."

"What did you say?!" The scarred one growled.

"Now now, calm down. There must be a reason why we're here." The black-clad pinkette sighed.

"That there is." Another voice spoke as the door to the shack opened and a man with a red trench coat, blue eyes and white hair entered the small building, "Sorry I'm late. I needed rehabilitation after what happened…" The images of a certain person's story flashed in his head, "No, it doesn't matter." He shook himself, his face visibly paler than when he entered.

"Y-you…" the half-naked pinkette said as his eyes widened, "Mind giving me some decent clothes?"

The other two looked at each other with confusion before focusing their eyes on the white-haired man, "Oh, that's right. Sorry." He smiled sheepishly and snapped his fingers. The almost-naked man started to glow a bright color before he appeared, fully clothed with black pants, boots and a black vest.

"That's better." He said as he stretched.

The white-haired man sat down on a chair near the fireplace, "How do I call you three? You need some sort of names to identify yourselves since it'll be a bother figuring out otherwise."

"Hey, you're the one who called us here, you figure it out." The hoodie wearing pinkette said.

"Alright." The white-haired man said as he scratched his scalp. In a few seconds he came up with an idea, "I'll call you by the stories you're in." He said as he pointed a finger towards the pinkette with a guitar on his back, "RYWNatsu." Then to the one who had a hoodie, "FTHNatsu." And to the last one, "LIBNatsu. Good enough?" He asked after he finished naming them.

RYWNatsu sighed, "It sounds retarded, but it'll have to do." He said, the two others nodded, "Who might you be?"

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" LIBNatsu said, "The one who created us. Or, at least, the one who bent the canon Natsu into us." He corrected himself. You know, for copyright reasons.

"Y-You mean…" FTHNatsu's eyes widened.

"That's right." The red-clad man said, "I'm Shedauwz."

"And what do you need us for?" LIBNatsu asked.

Shedauwz sighed, "Honestly? I need your help." He said, making all three Natsu's go wide-eyed.

LIBNatsu smirked slightly, "Well isn't this funny. _You_ need help from _us_? What happened?"

"It'll be better if you see it for yourselves." He said and snapped his fingers again. A table with two laptops appeared, both of them having different pages from FFnet on them, "Read these. Start with the left one."

FTHNatsu groaned, "I hate reading." He said before joining his other two counterparts to read the story called '_Rebellion_' by _Kuroyagi_. The whole time the three pinkettes were reading they were laughing their lungs out, but once they read one certain section all three of them paled.

FTHNatsu turned to Shedauwz, "You got beaten up by Erza?"

LIBNatsu turned to Shedauwz, "Who could use magic?"

RYWNatsu turned to Shedauwz, "How the hell didn't you die?"

Shedauwz chuckled humorlessly, "I actually did die… thrice. It's just that Kuroyagi thought it shouldn't be in the story. That damned bastard…" He growled.

"Wait wait, lemme get this straight." LIBNatsu spoke, "You died three times? So how the hell are you here right now?"

"This body." Shedauwz said, pointing to himself with his thumb, "Isn't my real one. It's one that I took from another story and am using it as my vessel. So whenever I die I can reanimate myself countless times. Still hurts like a bitch every time though."

The three nodded their heads, "I feel sorry for this Roxas guy though. Paying for Cana's alcohol for the whole year… That Kuroyagi dude's cruel." FTHNatsu shivered.

Shedauwz snarled, which wasn't missed by LIBNatsu, "Isn't Roxas the beta for my story?"

"Yeah, he is." Shedauwz calmed down slightly, "Read the next one." He said while pointing towards the other laptop. The story on it was '_Why?_' by _Roxas.97_and the three scrolled through the chapters expectantly. At first they were extremely disturbed by their female counterparts, LIBNatsu almost puked, but then started laughing as the second chapter began.

"Your female counterpart sounds hot." RYWNatsu commented with a nosebleed.

"Don't you even start or I'll shove my scythe up your ass." Shedauwz growled, making RYWNatsu go pale and LIBNatsu laugh.

"Well this is embarrassing." LIBNatsu commented.

"No shit. Keep reading." Shedauwz said.

And the three Natsus did as they were told, reading through the entire chapter and starting the third one. Their expressions shifted from amusement to disgust to curiosity a few times while they kept laughing. True to every word, the story was actually hilarious, but the Shedauwz still had a bone to pick with the author and the pinkettes understood that perfectly after they read the middle of the third chapter. That still didn't keep RYWNatsu and FTHNatsu from laughing.

"Holy shit, this is priceless!" FTHNatsu said as he continued to laugh.

"I haven't laughed this hard in a while." RYWNatsu said as he wiped away a stray tear going down his cheek from laughing too much.

"You idiots! " LIBNatsu exclaimed but it was too late. The sound of shattering glass and growling was heard behind them and a darkish-red aura spread through the room. They turned around and saw the red-clad man had changed into something demonic. '_He just had to trigger damn it!_'"What the hell is going on?! And why ain't you scared?!" FTHNatsu exclaimed; both he and RYWNatsu shivered in a corner on the other side of the room.

"Because I can use magic to defend myself, dumbass." LIBNatsu retorted, and then glanced back at Shedauwz, "Okay, calm down. I can see where you're coming from. We'll help."

Shedauwz listened to what LIBNatsu said and the dark-red aura seemed to slowly dissipate as he regained his normal form, "Finally we're on the same page."

Both FTHNatsu and RYWNatsu slowly walked towards where the two were standing, "H-How are we doing this?" FTHNatsu asked.

"Yeah, aren't they unable to die?" RYWNatsu asked.

A sly grin spread across Shedauwz's face, "This War won't be about killing them, oh no. This will be about humiliation. And, hell, killing them doesn't sound like a bad idea. They won't really die, though they'll feel the pain of it." He laughed.

"Explain." LIBNatsu said.

"I've got a plan to rope Kuroyagi to help me; it shouldn't be hard since, even though they have a truce, being raped isn't something easily forgiven. Just sit tight and I'll call you when I need to. Gen Pseudo?" He said to no one in particular before a blue flash erupted in the room and a man clad in a blue trench coat, white spiky hair and blue eyes appeared near them.

"W-What am I doing here?" The man in Vergil's body asked.

"I'll need your help. You're Pastafarian, right?" He asked, Gen nodded, "Come on then, we're leaving, I'll explain on the way." Shedauwz said as he stood up and walked towards the shack's exit.

Gen glanced at him, then at the three pinkettes that were watching them dumbfounded. He bowed to the three and followed Shedauwz. If he was going to such drastic measures it meant that the guys who this was directed at had humiliated him something else and if he knew him at all, this was going to hurt them.

* * *

_5 Minutes later…_

"So what do you need me for?" Gen Pseudo asked as they tread through the nothingness between Shedauwz's and Kuroyagi's story, making their way to the crack realm of Rebellion.

"For now? Nothing." Shedauwz said, "I'll need you to use your religion to screw both of them over once I get those two together."

"How are you going to get Kuroyagi to help you though? Isn't he and Roxas in a truce?"

Shedauwz grinned, "Imagine yourself being raped by my female counterpart. Would you still be in a truce with the guy who orchestrated that?"

Pseudo visibly paled when he imagined the scene, "My thoughts exactly." Shedauwz laughed, "I don't think he'll go against the truce, per se, but he'll definitely consider helping in other ways."

"What're you going to do?" Gen asked.

"You'll see. For now, stay hidden and warn me if Roxas cooks anything up before the plan goes into motion."

The blue-clad man nodded and disappeared from sight. Shedauwz sighed and smiled. He was going to enjoy this.

* * *

_Another 5 minutes later…_

Shedauwz appeared inside of the cellar he and the other writers had previously been in. Every one of them had left to do their own thing until Kuroyagi decided it was time for them to help him again. He looked around and saw his target sitting on a barrel, looking deeply disturbed by the events that took part not so long ago. Meaning Roxas's story.

"Yo." Shedauwz greeted as he waved towards him.

"Shedauwz? You're not supposed to be here until Rebellion restarts." Kuroyagi said, eyeing the white-haired man suspiciously.

"Yeah yeah, I know." He waved it off, "I've just got an idea."

Kuroyagi's eyebrow quirked, "What about?"

Shedauwz grinned, "To get back at Roxas."

Kuroyagi paused for a second before sighing, "You know I can't do that. We're in a truce."

"What? You scared of him kicking your ass or something?" Shedauwz laughed as Kuroyagi glared at him, "Come on, I know that he's able to write some mean crack, but if we form an alliance of sorts we can bring him down, right?"

"A truce is a truce." Kuroyagi insisted. He really seemed adamant about this, but Shedauwz couldn't help but notice that small glint in his eyes that practically screamed of revenge. The white-haired man grinned again.

"It doesn't have to be obvious. The truce isn't broken if he doesn't find out about it, right?"

Kuroyagi glanced at him curiously, "Explain."

"Just tell him to meet you here," He gave Kuroyagi a map showing directions to the world Shedauwz had created, "And I'll handle the rest."

"How do I know you won't do anything against me?" The man asked, still eyeing Shedauwz suspiciously.

Shedauwz laughed and looked at him with a grin and dead-serious eyes, "Oh I will, just not then and there. Trust me, Roxas deserves it more."

"On that we agree." He sighed, "Fine, I'll get him there. But try anything against me and you'll become a woman again… For a long… long time."

Shedauwz shivered, "Gotcha." He said and created a rift leading to his own world.

As the rift closed, Gen appeared near him, "How'd it go?" Shedauwz asked.

"That man's mind is as fucked up as fucked up can be." He spat, "He's having an orgy in his own imaginary damned world!"

Shedauwz burst laughing, "I didn't expect anything less of the guy who created a female me… Which was actually hot… but that's not the point."

"What happened with Kuroyagi?" Gen asked, ignoring his friend's last comment.

"He said he'd bring Roxas with him there." Shedauwz replied.

"What are you going to do about the notebook? Remember, you can't destroy it."

The red-clad man grinned, "I can't, but why do you think I brought the three Natsus here?"

Pseudo's eyes widened, "Wait… you mean?"

"Exactly." Shedauwz nodded, "Only writers can't destroy the damn thing. He didn't say anything about fictional characters though. How's it going with the FSM?"

"It is ready whenever I need it to be." Gen said, making Shedauwz grin.

"Alright then. Let's go back and prepare."

* * *

_An hour later in Shedauwz's world…_

"What're we doing here Kuro?" Roxas asked as he walked through the misty forest, Kuroyagi besides him.

"Shedauwz said he's got an idea for a story and needs our help." The man explained.

"Couldn't he just send us a PM? And I was having so much fun too…" Kuroyagi interrupted him by raising a hand.

"After what you did on the third chapter of '_Why?_' I honestly don't want to know." He growled.

"Oh come on," Roxas chuckled, "Are you still mad about that?"

'_I'm not, but someone else obviously is._' Kuroyagi thought while smirking inwardly. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to see what Shedauwz has cooked up.

"Think about it, you were _raped_ by a _sexy_ white-haired woman with damned _G's_ for breasts and some awesome _child-bearing _hips!" Roxas said while pumping his fist in the air.

"What the hell is with you and child-bearing hips? Seriously." Kuroyagi said, making Roxas laugh.

Both of them walked through the forest for a few minutes until they found Shedauwz leaning on one of the many trees. He glanced up at the two coming his way, "Well you two sure took your sweet time."

"Let's get this over with. What is this idea for a story you've got?" Roxas asked impatiently.

Shedauwz grinned, "First let's go to a bar near here. I'll tell you there."

Kuroyagi quirked an eyebrow while Roxas jumped up enthusiastically, "A bar means boobies! Let's go!" He said and dashed towards the direction Shedauwz pointed, making Kuroyagi sigh and Shedauwz laugh.

"Is this part of your plan?" Kuroyagi asked suspiciously as he walked near the red-clad man.

"You bet it is." Shedauwz answered, "Come on, let's go."

* * *

_Meanwhile back in the shack where the three Natsus are in…_

"What do you think the guy has planned?" RYWNatsu asked his counterparts.

"Who knows? Though knowing him it'll probably be something badass." FTHNatsu said.

LIBNatsu was deeply lost in thought, thinking about ways to help him out the same as Shedauwz has helped him out in his story. Indirectly, but still. Suddenly his eyes started beaming, "I've got an idea." He said, making his counterparts glance at him, "Do you guys any way of contacting your world's Erzas from here?"

"Hmm." RYWNatsu took his phone out of his pocket, "There's reception."

LIBNatsu sweatdropped, '_Reception in a different world? That doesn't even make sense._'

"Same here." FTHNatsu said.

LIBNatsu checked his own phone and was surprised to see that he had reception as well, "Alright then. Call them and tell them what happened and who Shedauwz is."

"What good will that do?" RYWNatsu asked.

"Oh come on." LIBNatsu complained, "He's the one who got us together with her… or hers, whatever… and do you honestly think that, considering the persons she… shes… are, they won't help the guy out?"

"Well he did break me and her up, so…" FTHNatsu said.

LIBNatsu paused, "Whatever. I bet she'll help nonetheless."

"What's the point of this anyway?" Both RYWNatsu and FTHNatsu asked in unison.

"Erza beat up Shedauwz in Kuroyagi's story, right?" LIBNatsu asked and the other two instantly figured it out. Oh this was going to be fun.

* * *

_At the bar where Shedauwz, Roxas and Kuroyagi are in…_

"Holy shit, this place is awesome!" Roxas shouted as he glanced at all the babes that were present.

"I must admit, he is right." Kuroyagi commented while looking at all the drinks and their low prices.

"Isn't it?" Shedauwz chuckled as they sat down. Kuroyagi raised his hand to call the barmaid, a blonde woman with… sunglasses?

"Hey there beautiful." Roxas said as the barmaid got ready to write their orders, making Shedauwz facepalm. Was he seriously going for her? If only he knew… He could barely contain the mad laughter that was trying to escape his throat.

The blonde smirked, "May I take your order?"

"Three beers." Kuroyagi said and the barmaid nodded while she wrote the order down and walked away.

"I'm totally going to screw her." He said and Shedauwz couldn't hold his laughter in, "What's so funny?" Roxas asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"N-no… uh… The ceiling's nice, isn't it?" Shedauwz said while holding his eyes up and chuckling sheepishly, '_Damn it, almost got caught._'

Roxas eyed Shedauwz suspiciously, "Whatever." He said, "I'm going to go hit on that barmaid. Be back in a few."

"You're that fast?" Kuroyagi asked, making Roxas glare at him before he left, "What was that laughter from before?" He asked Shedauwz, making the man grin.

"You'll see… no, hear soon enough. You don't want to see this." He said and Kuroyagi quirked an eyebrow at this. He shifted his gaze to glance at Roxas sweet talking the barmaid. He noticed something by her facial features, "Wait… Is that…?"

"Yup. And don't spoil it." Shedauwz cackled. He watched as Roxas and the barmaid went into the bathroom and turned to Kuroyagi, "Come on, drink up your beer, shit's going to hit the fan pretty soon." He said and jugged down what was left of his own beer. Kuroyagi nodded and did the same.

Before Kuroyagi could even put his mug down a girlish scream could be heard from where Roxas and that barmaid went… a scream that had an uncanny resemblance to Roxas's voice. Suddenly, Roxas burst through the bathroom's door. Slipping, he landed face first on the concrete floor.

"Oh come on, Roxas-boy~, don't run away~" A manly voice was heard from where Roxas came out of and a topless man exited… Sugarboy?

"Get away from me you sick fuck!" Roxas screamed as he crawled away.

"Don't say that! My manliness is crying for a release~" Sugarboy sung and went after the unlucky author.

"What. The. Fuck." Kuroyagi mumbled as he stared at the spectacle wide-eyed.

"Priceless, isn't it?" Shedauwz laughed. He'll be doing a lot of that today.

"Come here and help me you assholes!" Roxas shouted as he kicked Sugarboy's face in an attempt to keep the pervert back.

"Naw, we're good. Can we get another beer? And popcorn please!" Shedauwz called another barmaid.

"Is she…?" Kuroyagi couldn't help but ask.

"She's fine, don't worry." He chuckled, making Kuroyagi sigh in relief.

"Did you know about this?" Kuro asked while pointing at Sugarboy trying his best to kiss Roxas.

"Course I did." Shedauwz said, making Kuro glance at him with shocked eyes, "Yeah, and if I tried to shove my dick into anything that moved and had tits that thing would've happened to me too."

"Piss off!" Roxas screamed after the blond man touched one of his more… uh… private places and kicked his face in, sending the man flying through the bar. Roxas stood up and glared in the direction where Sugarboy landed, "I'm going to kill that bastard." He growled.

"I preferred it if you didn't Roxas-boy~" A voice completely identical to Sugarboy's said.

He turned around and saw a man that had the same features as Sugarboy, only he didn't wear sunglasses and was clad in pink armor, "Fuck me." Roxas groaned.

"That we will!" Both Edo-Sugarboy and the now standing Earthland-Sugarboy said as the ran towards Roxas's direction.

"Bad choice of words there buddy." Shedauwz said as both he and Kuroyagi laughed.

"So, what's next?" Kuro said expectantly.

"You'll see soon enough." Shedauwz smirked as both Edo and Eartland Sugarboys flew in different directions, both faceplanting different walls.

"Why the _fuck _didn't you two help me?!" Roxas exclaimed as he marched towards the two other authors.

"You seemed to be handling yourself pretty well. Or you were handled pretty well, your pick." Shedauwz grinned.

"Laugh it up asshole. Remember what happened in '_why?!_' He growled.

"That I do." Shedauwz said, grin still intact as he snapped his fingers. The ground started to shake and everything around them shattered like glass. Before either Kuroyagi or Roxas could understand what happened they found themselves in a completely empty and white place.

"Where the hell are we?" Kuroyagi wondered.

"Someplace special." Shedauwz said.

Roxas glanced at Shedauwz suspiciously and saw the grin plastered on this face. He instantly knew that nothing good would come out from this and tried to open a rift to leave the place, but, to his immense surprise, he couldn't.

"Surprised?"

"What the hell did you do?!" Roxas exclaimed.

"I locked you in. What fun would it be if you left?" The white-haired man laughed, "Gen?" A blue trench-coat wearing man appeared out of thin air and nodded towards Shedauwz, "I think it's time we introduce them to our little friend."

"I agree." Gen said and put his palms together as if he was praying.

Both Kuroyagi and Roxas shivered at both their tones, but what happened next was the making of a nightmare.

Gen started chanting. And what he chanted was something horrible.

**Oh Dual Orbed One in the Sky,**

**Heed my call.**

**Bring the Judgment of the Pasta,**

**Let the Heretics hear Thy "AAARH!".**

**May Thy Midget come,**

**To bring Divine Punishment for the Unholy,**

**To show them the Nightmares of Thy Frenzy.**

**May they be marked for their shameless lives,**

**May they forever feel the Nausea of the Sour Sauce in their bodies.**

**Thy spread...**

**RAmen!**

The ground around them shook as sunlight from nowhere shone down on them.

The birds went silent, though there were none to begin with.

The wind stopped blowing, though there wasn't any to begin with.

The air became chilly, though it was chilly to begin with.

A ripple in the sky made itself known while slowly becoming larger. Slimy ooze flowed out of the hole in the sky as something slimy ejected from it. It slithered in the sky almost like a snake before more and more of the strange things left the small crack. Soon, a monster of extremely large proportions came barreling out of the ripple, obscuring the sunlight, though there wasn't any to begin with, and roaring to the skies.

"Noodles?" Kuroyagi asked himself.

Yes, noodles. The large creature was made of noodles that swirled around him almost like tentacles while spewing large amounts of… sauce? Its two big eyes glowed a bright red color and it had two… meatballs… in its center.

"What the _fuck _is that?" Roxas exclaimed.

"Holy shit it's big." Shedauwz whistled.

"It's the Flying Spaghetti Monster!" Gen Pseudo shouted with dignity.

The place went dead silent as everyone besides Shedauwz and Gen sweatdropped. Hell, even the monster sweatdropped at its ridiculous name.

"Whatever! Do what you came here to do!" Gen ordered and the monster obeyed, grabbing the unsuspecting Roxas with its noodly tentacles and raising him in the air.

Shedauwz and Kuroyagi stared wide-eyed, "I've watched enough hentai to see where this is going." Gen said as both Kuro and Shedauwz nodded their heads in agreement.

"Hello, gentlemen." A voice boomed behind the three, making them turn around. What they saw… let's just say it wasn't expected. It was a shark wearing a tuxedo and who had legs.

"What the heck are you supposed to be?" Shedauwz asked, genuinely shocked.

"Wait, you didn't create him?" Kuro's eyes widened.

"Fuck no, I ain't that crazy."

"My name is Mr. Dumpling, The Fuck from the Sea, and I was sent here by one of Master Shedauwz's friends to aid him in the quest of fucking this story up." The tuxedo wearing shark explained.

Shedauwz facepalmed, "It must be Freeze…" He mumbled to himself, "Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait. You're going to FUCK this STORY up?! No one asked…"

Too late.

I suggest you skip the few upcoming paragraphs if you don't want your eyes to bleed. Seriously.

The shark glanced at Roxas who was helplessly being molested by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, "You penis grabbing, butthole slapping, acorn jerking, grandma smirking, flagpole grinding, dildo hiding, shoe lace losing, pink underwear choosing, evidence burning, porn film learning fuck." It boomed.

Shedauwz paled, "What the fuck was that supposed to mean?"

Kuroyagi patted Shedauwz on the back, "You're getting banned friend. Tough luck."

Mr. Dumpling continued, "If you were a bender, the only thing you could bend would be shit. And you'd have to bend it with your hands, because you are so mentally retarded you couldn't use your bender powers. The only bending you could do is bending over while a dead man's corpsy dick would be stuffed up your…"

"STOP DAMN IT!" Shedauwz yelled as he slapped the shark across the face. Yes, he slapped a shark across its face. What the hell right?

"Master Shedauwz? What is wrong? Didn't you want to take revenge on this man for making you a female and raping this gentleman right here?" He said motioning at Kuroyagi who had his ears plugged with puff balls. Don't ask how.

"Firstly, it wasn't me who raped Kuroyagi, but my clone female counterpart or whatever. Secondly, I did want to take revenge, but this is taking it too far. Like _waaaaay _too far." Shedauwz growled.

"Then you do not know what master Freeze has planned. Shame." The shark mumbled.

"What do you mean?" Gen asked in pure confusion.

Suddenly something beautiful shined in the sky. It was a magical penis shaped cloud. It was so magnificent it would melt your face right off. Mr. Dumpling explained: "Gentlemen, my carriage is here." He brushed his dick against the penis cloud and a crawling space opened. The Fuck from the Sea didn't give a fuck, as it was not classy and mowed right through the cloud entering it. He initialized the voice command: "Prepare to fuck off". And as suddenly as it came, the penis cloud fucked off.

"What the f… I don't even want to say it. I don't think I've seen so much… _Shit _in one paragraph before." Shedauwz said as he flicked Kuro's head, "Oi, the asshole shark's gone now."

"Finally." Kuroyagi said, "You seriously have some demented friends. You know that, right?"

"Tell me about it." Shedauwz sighed before glancing towards Roxas, "You okay up there?"

"Of course I ain't okay, dumbass! And what the hell was with that shark dude before?" He asked while trying to swat a stray tentacle… or noodle, your pick.

"You don't want to know." All three of them said in unison.

Suddenly, all four of Roxas's limbs were entangled by the monster and he was bent over in the air. A tentacle made its way to aim at his rear.

"He isn't going to do what I think he is, is he?" Shedauwz sweatdropped. No, there was no fucking way.

"ARHHH!" The monster roared, making Gen's face pale.

"The hell did the thing say?" Kuroyagi asked.

"That he'd… *coughs*… fuck him softly." He said while staring at the beast.

"Oh hell no." Shedauwz said as he drew his scythe and charged the monster, Kuroyagi doing the same with a sword. Both of them charged and sliced through tentacles, trying their best to help their friend out of a prank gone wrong.

"Shit, faster guys!" Roxas screamed, but it was too late. The noodle lunged, and…

It missed.

Yes, it missed, by mere millimeters. Why? Because a black iron pillar embedded itself in the monster's eye, skewering it. The beast roared and let go of Roxas. It flied back towards the crack it came from.

"Flying Spaghetti Monster! Noooo!" Gen shouted and followed it, jumping into the hole in the sky together with the creature before the hole closed up.

"What…"

A black-haired man appeared who had piercings all over his face, "Gajeel?!" Roxas exclaimed.

"No, that's LIBGajeel, he isn't supposed to make an appearance until the next chapter of Let it Burn damn it!" Shedauwz growled.

"That's why I'm here, for you not putting me in the story earlier you asshat!" He growled and sent a metallic fist Shedauwz's way which… didn't reach him because a flaming palm stopped the attack.

"LIBNatsu?" Shedauwz muttered, dumbfounded.

"You weren't calling so we got worried." LIBNatsu smirked, "FTHNatsu!"

Before anyone realized what happened, Kuroyagi received a punch on the face and FTHNatsu took the notebook Kuro had with him out of his jacket's pocket, "Hey, the heck…" Kuroyagi exclaimed as he rubbed his cheek," You didn't have to punch me like that, asshole."

LIBNatsu smirked again as he planted a flaming fist on LIBGajeel's face and sent him flying towards Roxas, "Give it here!" He shouted and FTHNatsu threw him the notebook which he caught and burned without a second thought.

Shedauwz smirked, "Good job."

Suddenly, more portals opened and a blue haired man exited one of them. Two blue haired men, to be exact, and a third was supposed to exit when Shedauwz blasted the portal with a bazooka, "You ain't supposed to show up yet, RYWGerard!" He glanced to the side where two more portals were. A Gajeel dressed in a black school outfit exited one portal and another Gajeel was about to exit the other when another rocket destroyed it, "Neither are you, RYWGajeel! Why the hell are these guys even showing up!?"

"It's because you didn't close the portals to the other worlds after summoning us." RYWNatsu explained as he strummed his guitar, "That's good, because our plan worked that way."

"W-what plan?" Shedauwz asked, not wanting to hear what they've cooked up.

RYWNatsu smirked and pointed a thumb to his left, "See for yourself."

Shedauwz glanced to the side and saw Kuroyagi surrounded by… three Erzas, who were seemingly shouting at him, deadly auras surrounding their beings as Kuro shook in fear.

FTHErza was wearing a school outfit. Even though she had no magic she still was scary as all hell. And hot, by the way.

RYWErza had the alluring and scary appearance of a metalist, clad in black leather with piercings on her ears, eyebrow and belly. Hot. Extremely hot.

LIBErza was wearing her Purgatory Armor. Shit's about to go down. While she'll still be hot.

Oh and it did.

"Why the hell are they destroying him like that?" Shedauwz asked.

"They didn't like you being beaten up by RebellionErza before. Mainly because you got us, uh… six, together." FTHNatsu explained.

That made no fucking sense.

"Whatever. I can understand the Gajeel's but why's Gerard here?"

"I bet they were here to protect Kuro as the Gajeels are here to protect me, but… Erzas are against them and you know how that goes." Roxas sweatdropped as he witnessed what treacheries the Erzas did to Kuro.

Shedauwz sighed, "Sorry bro, this went overboard so fucking fast."

"No problems bro, when this is…" Roxas was interrupted by a menacing voice that sounded in the entire area.

"I'm taking over for a while." Freeze's voice echoed in the white dimension.

'_Oh no_."

As if the faggotry that happened already was not enough, a tree magically emerged from the ground. I know what you're thinking. How the fuck is a tree emerging from the ground magical? You're right, it's not, shut the fuck up. Anyways, it wasn't a normal tree. It was wearing jeans. It seemed it had a branch caught up in the jeans. LIBGerard went to try and unzip it and free the branch. Unfortunately it was a trap. It was not a branch, but rather a tree boner, morning wood, if you will. It smacked LIBGerard on the chin as it was rising up like a titan climbing out of the underworld. The power of the boner was so powerful it knocked out LIBGerard. After some time, he woke up. He noticed the tree was smoking a cigar. "You got a nice ass, little boy"- the tree complimented. LIBGerard looked down with confusion. He was surrounded with acorns. "Good luck watching over your babies"- the tree laughed and called a cab which took him to Hercule's land- similar to Disneyland but only with more naked men.

"I'm out." Freeze said before chanting 'Prepare to fuck off' and a cloud in the shape of a penis fucked off through the sky.

…

…

…

Shedauwz couldn't understand what just happened. Roxas almost got raped by two Sugarboys and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Kuroyagi is being beaten up by three different Erza's and LIBGerard got raped by a tree. Who was wearing pants, smoked a cigar, called a cab and went to gaylandia.

No, this had to stop.

"RESET!" Shedauwz shouted and everything around them shattered. After e few seconds the three authors found themselves in front of the bar where everything had started.

Both Kuroyagi and Roxas smacked Shedauwz upside the head, "NEVER try to write a crack-fic again. EVER!" The shouted as brass knuckles materialized from nowhere and only intensified Shedauwz's pain.

'_Point taken._'

* * *

**Plot twist: Shedauwz gets banned.**

**I win.  
**

* * *

**Backstage:**

**Shedauwz - **_ Dude, I need some help with a crack-fic._

**Freeze **- _What did you get yourself into this time?_

**Shedauwz -** _*sighs*__I'm in a war, apparently, and I need some **really **fucked up ideas._

**Freeze **- _*grins* fucked up ideas are my speciality._

**He wasn't joking, was he?**


End file.
